I could have been...

So I was poking around on Facebook today, stalking people I know but never talk to.  I happened upon one of my cousin's profiles, and I couldn't help thinking that she has the life I could have had.  She graduated with a science degree from a prestigious university, traveled the world, and now works for the Smithsonian.  Pretty sweet for someone who's only 23-ish, right?  She is inarguably talented at a myriad of things, not the least of which is music, something I also enjoy.

Granted, I rarely speak to her outside of family functions, and I haven't been to many of those in recent years because of where we live.  I don't know what she would say, but I look at that Facebook profile and think, "Wow, what a cool life!  I could have done that."

Then I come back to myself and see the popcorn scattered all over my bedroom floor (thanks to Joci), the half-set up pack and play, the unpacked boxes of books and miscellany, and the sleeping newborn on my lap.  The contrast is a bit of a shock, and I can't deny the doubt that I was ever smart enough to do what she does.  But then again, I really think I could have, if that had been what I wanted.

That's the key isn't it?  What we want.  I think that those of us who have a choice in what to do with our lives usually do end up, generally speaking, with what we wanted all along.  It would have been so awesome to be a scientist or an academic, but in my heart I wanted this.  

I should qualify that, because even as I wrote it I wanted to tack on "first."  I wanted to do this first, and I know that because even though her life looks awesome, I'm still content with my choice.  Now (even though no one believes it) I'm done having kids and can focus on raising them.  In a few years they'll be in school and I'll only be in my early 30's.  I can't help but sum up how I feel with this lovely piece of prose:

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2  a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to   refrain from embracing;

6  a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

(I love beautiful language.)

Believe in the bible or not, there is wisdom in this.  I will always be a mother and wife first, because that is the thing I want and value most, but I can still do the things I wanted second.  I feel a season of my life is ending, a new one is about to begin.  Maybe now is the time for what I could have been.  

Kairi Jordan

Today we welcomed our third little girl, Kairi (KYE-ree) Jordan, into our family!

Kairi Jordan
7 pounds, 6 ounces
20 inches long
born at 10:48 am

I mentioned a while back that this time I was going to be induced, and despite mixed reviews from people who had been through the process we decided to go for it.  I'm so glad I did.

We got to the hospital around 6:30 this morning.  Both of the other times I've given birth, there's been a long, tedious phase where they monitor you to make sure that you're really in labor, which I hate.  This time, however, it was "Oh, and is such-and-so your doctor?  Great!  Let me show you to your room!"  Much nicer.

So we got into our room and hung out for a while, which was fine with me considering there were women here who were in labor for real (I felt a little like an impostor).  Then the nurse came in, got me hooked up to the monitors, and started my IV, which included the drug that would start my contractions.  Then I dozed.  Then sometime between 8:30 and 9:30 I got my epidural.  I think I was settled in with it by 9:30, which was perfect timing because it was right around then that I started really being able to feel that I was having some strong contractions.  The nurse came in to check me at about 10:30, said I was an 8, and left to get the anesthesiologist because my contractions were getting painful even through the epidural.  She hadn't been gone 5 minutes when I called her extension and managed to squeek, "You know, I'm really feeling a lot of pressure!"  So she runs in, checks me, grabs the room phone and calls my doctor (whose practice happens to be part of the hospital... convenient) and says, "We need you here.  Now."  He came running, scrambled to get everything in place, and Kairi was born one contraction later.  Even though I was induced, my labor lasted a grand total of three hours.  That's a win.

Here are some pictures!

Potentially the last picture ever of me pregnant.

Finally, a Hair baby with hair!  We'll see if it lasts.

Thoughts on Health

You know, I was just thinking of how weird people are.  I mean, we obviously recognize and prefer health in other species.

For example, you would rather have a dog you owned look like this

than like this

Correct?  Because we want them to be healthy, and we could care less what size doggy sweater they need, if that's your kind of thing.  Keeping with the dog example, it is also true that we would never dream of calling this guy fat

because he wasn't as svelte as this guy

because we know that dogs come from different genetic heritages, and to judge what is attractive for one breed by what is attractive for another is just asinine.

So if we're a species that is smart enough to prefer health in pets, why are we so blind when it comes to health in ourselves?  Why is the focus on getting skinny instead of attaining our optimum healthy weight?

There's something wrong with that.

On a related note, what's up with this New York mayor and his war on pop?  I have a very strong opinion that when it comes to my personal health it's none of the government's business.  If I want to drink three extra-jumbo-large Pepsis at every meal, that is my decision.  It would be incredibly stupid, but if the reason we allow abortion is the "it's my body" argument (tangent: disagree), I don't see where the government has a leg to stand on trying to tell me I can't have a 24 oz drink, or rather, if I want a larger drink I have to pay for two of them.  Ironically, pop and candy are still covered on food stamps.  You want to make a difference in the demographic that needs it most?  Change that.

Whew.  Anyways, I'm sure you guys don't care about my rants.  To provide you with the information you're looking for, still no baby.  However, if she doesn't show up on her own in the next few days I'm scheduled to be induced in less than a week!  Scary and exciting at the same time!

Full-term

That's right, I waste way too much time on failblog.

Yay!  As of this past week I am officially full-term, and since I'm going to be induced, that means I have less than two weeks left at the longest!  I'm excited, not only because having the baby will mean an end to the excruciating sciatic pain in my right leg, but because I feel like after this our family may be complete.  We'll keep everyone posted!