So I'm at the point in my life where I'm having kids and starting to think about this stuff. I know a lot of my friends are, too. I read this article on MSN and decided to post it here because it gave me a lot to think about. I'd really, really LOVE comments on this, especially from you lurkers I know read my blog but never say anything. Here's the article:
Struggling School-Age Boys
A new study says parents are right to worry about their sons.
By Peg Tyre Newsweek Web Exclusive
Sep 8, 2008 Updated: 1:10 p.m. ET Sep 8, 2008
(link to the actual page http://www.newsweek.com/id/157898?GT1=43002)
Every other week it seems a new study comes out that adds to our already-formidable arsenal of parental worries. But even by those escalating standards, the report issued last week by the federal government's National Center for Health Statistics contained a jaw-dropper: the parents of nearly one of every five boys in the United States were concerned enough about what they saw as their sons' emotional or behavioral problems that they consulted a doctor or a health-care professional. By comparison, about one out of 10 parents of girls reported these kinds of problems.
Struggling School-Age Boys
A new study says parents are right to worry about their sons.
By Peg Tyre Newsweek Web Exclusive
Sep 8, 2008 Updated: 1:10 p.m. ET Sep 8, 2008
(link to the actual page http://www.newsweek.com/id/157898?GT1=43002)
Every other week it seems a new study comes out that adds to our already-formidable arsenal of parental worries. But even by those escalating standards, the report issued last week by the federal government's National Center for Health Statistics contained a jaw-dropper: the parents of nearly one of every five boys in the United States were concerned enough about what they saw as their sons' emotional or behavioral problems that they consulted a doctor or a health-care professional. By comparison, about one out of 10 parents of girls reported these kinds of problems.
The report confirms what many of us have been observing for some time now: that lots of school-age boys are struggling. And, parents are intensely worried about them.
What is ailing our sons? Some experts suggest we are witnessing an epidemic of ADHD and say boys need more medication. Others say that environmental pollutants found in plastics, among other things, may be eroding their attention spans and their ability to regulate their emotions.
Those experts may be right but I have another suggestion. Let's examine the way our child rearing and our schools have evolved in the last 10 years. Then ask ourselves this challenging question: could some of those changes we have embraced in our families, our communities and our schools be driving our sons crazy?
Those experts may be right but I have another suggestion. Let's examine the way our child rearing and our schools have evolved in the last 10 years. Then ask ourselves this challenging question: could some of those changes we have embraced in our families, our communities and our schools be driving our sons crazy?
Instead of unstructured free play, parents now schedule their kids' time from dawn till dusk (and sometimes beyond.) By age 4, an ever-increasing number of children are enrolled in preschool. There, instead of learning to get along with other kids, hold a crayon and play Duck, Duck, Goose, children barely out of diapers are asked to fill out work sheets, learn computation or study Mandarin. The drumbeat for early academics gets even louder when they enter "real" school. Veteran teachers will tell you that first graders are now routinely expected to master a curriculum that, only 15 years ago, would have been considered appropriate for second, even third graders. The way we teach children has changed, too. In many communities, elementary schools have become test-prep factories—where standardized testing begins in kindergarten and "teaching to the test" is considered a virtue. At the same time, recess is being pushed aside in order to provide extra time for reading and math drills. So is history and opportunities for hands-on activities—like science labs and art. Active play is increasingly frowned on—some schools have even banned recess and tag. In the wake of school shootings like the tragedy at Virginia Tech, kids who stretch out a pointer finger, bend their thumb and shout "pow!" are regarded with suspicion and not a little fear.
Our expectations for our children have been ramped up but the psychological and physical development of our children has remained about the same. Some kids are thriving in the changing world. But many aren't. What parents and teachers see—and what this government study now shows—is that the ones who can't handle it are disproportionately boys.
Some researchers responded to last weeks' study by calling for more resources for more mental-health services for children—especially males. That's an admirable goal. But when nearly one in five boys has such serious behavioral and emotional issues that their parents are talking it over with their pediatrician, you can bet we are facing a problem that requires a more fundamental change in our society than medication or weekly therapy. Let's take a moment, before the school year gets any farther underway, and ask ourselves whether we are raising and educating our boys in a way that respects their natural development. And if we are not, let's figure out how we can bring our family life and our schools back into line.
This is one study that we ignore at our peril.
Peg Tyre is the author of "The Trouble With Boys: A Surprising Report Card On Our Sons, Their Problems at School and What Parents & Educators Must Do," which is being published this week by Crown, a division of Random House. She can be reached at http://www.pegtyre.com/
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So what do you think? I know that some people who have older children read this as well. Do you agree? In my opinion this author has it right. I think we over-medicate a lot in this country for things like ADD or ADHD. Yes, there are real cases that need it, but maybe we just need to let boys be boys and run around for a few hours a day. I don't know. I'm not an expert. It's made me think twice, however, about sending my kids to a preschool where learning math or reading will be more the order of the day than socialization and the colors of the rainbow. Should I be, though? I guess I posted this more to hear what everyone else has to say and learn from you than try and convince anyone of my point of view.
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So what do you think? I know that some people who have older children read this as well. Do you agree? In my opinion this author has it right. I think we over-medicate a lot in this country for things like ADD or ADHD. Yes, there are real cases that need it, but maybe we just need to let boys be boys and run around for a few hours a day. I don't know. I'm not an expert. It's made me think twice, however, about sending my kids to a preschool where learning math or reading will be more the order of the day than socialization and the colors of the rainbow. Should I be, though? I guess I posted this more to hear what everyone else has to say and learn from you than try and convince anyone of my point of view.
11 comments:
I don't have kids, so my opinion might not matter too much, but I will say this. I agree that we do over medicate kids in this country and maybe even shelter kids too much, boys do need to be boys. Andrew has ADD and he functions just fine, never was on medication, he does constantly need something to do, but thats fine with me! Seeing my mom and they stories I hear about her preschoolers make me feel that parents just need to let their kids be kids....some of the stuff I hear about in the news lately is nuts, dropping out of school to professionaly play video games and other craziness. Put the kids outside more!
Okay enough for my rant!
Oh and I do suggest preschool, I honestly wish I would have gone when I was that age....it really increases social skills and fine motor....gee am I really turning into my mother?!?! lol :)
First of all, I don't think that this is necessarily a problem with boys. Parents may be reporting these issues more in their boys. Some of these things are more socially acceptable in girls, so they get overlooked.
As you might know, I worked on a child psych research project for two years where I interviewed children and their parents. I think there is a high rate of misdiagnosis of ADD/ADHD and of over-medicating. Yes, it's a real illness and it can be a difficult one to manage. However, a lot of kids getting diagnosed don't have it.
I do not blame this on one particular thing: over scheduling, video games, TV, cell phones, whatever. Instead, I see an alarming trend of parents not willing or able to be parents anymore. Where I worked, many of the parents had never been taught how to parent their children. Other times, parents are too caught up in their careers, in the worries of day to day life. And so, they use other means to "parent" their children. Problem is, none of these replace real discipline or real love.
I also have some other things to add (childhood mental illness is a huge interest and soapbox of mine). First, there are other possible reasons for this upswing. We're doing a better job of mental illness awareness and parents are doing a better job of recognizing problems in their kids early. Naturally, this will bring an increase in visits to pediatricians and psychologists.
And, kids who do have ADD/ADHD need two different things. They need some time and space to express themselves. However, they also need structure. They need to be taught organization and responsibility. Child psychologists are great for getting the ball rolling, but a lot depends on parents. We can blame changes in schools, and some of those changes do make it harder for kids with learning and emotional problems, but with good, consistent parenting a lot of these can be overcome.
I think instead of worrying, as parents we need to be proactive and spend our time preparing our children for the world they live in now, not the one we'd like them to have after many societal changes occur. No changes can compensate for failure in the home, or whatever the exact quote is.
Well for the past year I have had to deal with one VERY ADHD boy and one boy who is in danger of following the same path as his brother. While I do believe that a lot if not most of the older boy's emotional problems come from pure want of attention and feeling unloved I also know that when he isn't on his medication he has almost no hope of finishing (or even getting started on) his homework. Now this may have something to do with the fact that he is over scheduled by parents that don't know what to do with their children when there isn't a buffer (i.e. me) to keep them from the annoying quirks that are an 11 year old boy. I do believe that many children how ever are medicated when they don't really need it. For example the younger of the two boys I work with is a lot like his brother in his need to keep moving but unlike his brother does not exhibit the other signs of ADHD such as the inability to control emotions and the tendency to become violent. Therefore I do not believe that this younger boy has ADHD like his brother but simply needs to get out and play more in a family that 1.) doesn't let him get outside and play most days and 2.) allows if not encourages his sedentary life style when not in one of the many organized sports activities. He is allowed to play on the computer or watch TV or play video games for hours on end. These actions don't allow him to use the energy stores he has from sitting at a desk all day long and getting home only to sit down and do at least another hour of homework (in second grade). now if he weren't so wiggly and in attentive from the day's work he might be able to sit and finish this work in less than 30 minutes! Ok well now that I've gone on and on, I want to say that while preschool is important as a socialization tool and for learning basic skills like hand-eye coordination and colors of the rainbow (and I wish that was all that was expected of the 2-4 year olds) with what children are expected to learn in Kindergarten (at the age of 5) now, there really isn't much hope of them succeeding without the early start on things like addition, the alphabet, and phonics. I do however believe that the best place our children can learn to read is from a loving patient parent who is willing to read to and work with them. The best readers aren't the ones taught in school but the ones taught at home.
OK, I'm done with MY rant now that was big enough to be my own post.
Amanda (the one here in Utah) :)
oh and as for your preschool question, i've been thinking about this too. i think there is a balance, and i totally agree with what utah amanda said about it. your child can learn a lot of those skills from being read to by their parent. Look for a combination in the preschool setting: some play/creative time and some time working on #s, ABCs, whatever. I was home pre-schooled with Erin, Colleen, and some other girls from church. My brother went to a Montessori preschool.
and as i was re-reading what i wrote before i realized i neglected mentioning the importance of medication. i do think that it is really important sometimes. i know my brother would not have been able to learn some of the skills he needed to without the aid of medication when he was younger, for instance. :-)
Awesome! I'm so glad that you guys are commenting on this! I feel like I've learned so much! I'd say more but I've stupidly stayed up past 2 am doing nothing, so I'm going to crash now. Keep them coming!
Yes, I think we over-medicate kids and everyone in general. Have a headache? Take an aspirin. Want to lose weight? Try this new pill. Meh. But there are those who do need it, myself included. I did a lot better in high school when I was taking medication for ADD and depression, combined with regular therapy.
I don't find it hard to believe that some preschools are falling into the same trap as elementary schools with trying to stress academics. I don't, however, see it at the Jewish Community Center preschool where I work in the toddler room. It is a preschool, so there are some activities more focused on learning (songs, brief lessons, coloring all centered around themes of Judaism). But I see so much more emphasis put on creativity (like with fingerpainting), social skills (snacks and story time), and free play both indoors and out. I feel confident in sending my son there the minute there's an open spot. And I could still let my mind be at ease regarding his education and supervision if I worked somewhere else.
I agree with this wholeheartedly.
I was contemplating getting my four-year-old into preschool but then heard Dr. Laura Schlessinger say something against it that really made sense to me. Although I'm not as consistent as a preschool might be in teaching him his alphabet and numbers, I only have so long with him-and he has an incredible imagination and ability to lead among others. So I'm encouraging all that he loves to do.
Having just come from LA, I've seen how many parents send their children to "preschool" at age two and three and I think it is absurd. If they only realized how little time they really have to hold them, to kiss their owies, to rock and sing, play and read to, teach and love them at a young age. They minimize that because they're impatient to get them started in structured education.
Teachers can't replace parents, not in any way.
I'm raising my kids the old fashioned way.
Yes over medication of kids is a fact. Just because a child has an emotional break down, violent temper or can't sit still doesn't mean he needs medication.. Usually with parent training, involvement and maturity and growing, it usually eases with time and we all have learned how to control some of our own emotions with time I believe! Preschool for me was a fun memory as a child thats where i learned to socialize, learned how to sing fun nursery rhymes developed and increased my creativity with art it was fun memories!!
I agree with so many things your friends have already said. Keep your little ones home! Spend time with them while you can, you're able to teach them the alphabet, you just have to be more selfless and committed to teaching them yourselves. Parental uninvolvement, in my opinion, is the worst thing plaguing our country. It is ruining families and communities, truly it's ruining our society at large.
As for the boys' mental health issue, I liked the comment that regardless, we have to prepare our kids for what IS and not what we WISH our society would be. So the question is how do we combat this alarming statistic? How do we keep our own boys from being the one in five? Again, I think much of the answer is TIME. Time with parents, time with siblings, time with good friends, time to be a little boy out running and playing tag. Even for me, a 26 year old female, the TIME I spend outdoors running, I find, is now ESSENTIAL for my mental health. As is the TIME I spend having meaningful interactions with those I care about. Why would we think it would be different for our little developing children?
I think I'm rambling.
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