Forever Young (Looking)

Readers, it's been a while since I've had any interesting stories to tell you about the students I sub for. Here's a new one.

On Thursday night I was called to sub for a math teacher at Ridgeview Jr. High. Over a decade ago, it was just "the junior high," and I went there. It was in that very building that I truly began to understand what living in Pickerington meant (short version: We Think We're Better Than You). Some things will never change.

Anyway, I was called to do a half-day, just four periods in the afternoon. Only three of those classes were classes, the other one, seventh period, was a lunch duty.

All of the classes were easy. I get the feeling the teacher is generally very strict (the best kind to sub for). In the 6th period class, one of those, "Look at me!!! I think I'm funny but actually I'm obnoxious!" kids asked me if I'd like to go dancing this weekend. I told him I was married.

But the story I really want to tell happened seventh period when I had lunch duty. The other teachers had me sit at a table and be in charge of passes, something even a sub isn't too likely to mess up. The same table had two students, a girl and a boy, sitting at it selling candy for something. The boy came and sat by me.

Boy: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Boy: Aren't you going to eat lunch? *munches on ridiculous amounts of tater tots*
Me: No. I ate before I got here.
Boy: Right, right.
Silence.
Boy: Aren't you going to eat lunch?
Me: No.
Boy: Do you have a dollar I can borrow?
Me: *thinking it's weird for a student to ask a teacher he doesn't know for money* Nope, sorry.
*Boy does obnoxious thing where he shakes his hand violently and his fingers hit his palm, making a clapping noise*
Silence.
*Boy does obnoxious clapping thing in my face. I lean away.*
Me: Ha ha *weak laugh. It begins to dawn on me that this kid doesn't realize I'm a teacher. I brush the thought off.*
Boy: Nice ring. *pointing at new ring Will got me for Christmas, then holds up his hands.* Ha ha! You've got smaller hands than me.
Me: Well, you're a boy.
Boy: Ha ha...
Silence.
Boy: So what are you doing this weekend?
Me: Nothing. Hanging out. *I consider mentioning husband and/or legal ramifications, then don't, because really?*
Boy: Do you go here?
Me: I'm a sub.
Boy: No, I mean, aren't you a student here?
Me: No... I'm a substitute teacher.
Boy: Right, right.  So, how many game systems have you got?
Me: None, but my husband has two.
Boy: *not deterred* Ha ha! Your husband. You're too young to be married.
Me: I'm about 25.
Boy: Ha ha! You got proof?
Me: What do you think this ring is for?
Boy: Bling. You got proof?
Me: Bling?*confused that a wedding ring isn't enough proof.  I mean, at BYU some are fake, but in a junior high?*  Of what? Being married or being 25?
Boy: Being 25. *smiling, like it's one large flirtation*
Me: *kind of amused* My driver's license. But it's not on me right now.
Boy: *offended, like I'm seriously his age and giving him the shaft* Ok, ok, I was just asking. Just trying to be friendly. *I give him a strange look.*

Boy goes off somewhere. Bell rings. I make my way back to the classroom and yell at the students who are blocking the doorway to move. I look to the left. It's Boy. Yes, he's in my eighth period class.

Me: Hi.
Boy: *dumbfounded* A-are you the sub?
Me: I told you I was a sub.
Boy: Oh.... yeah... uh.... Sorry about that whole...
Me: It's cool. *It finally, really gets through to me that yes, this kid thought I was also a kid. I heroically refrain from laughing*

The end.

Now, in his defense, I was sitting down and scooted all the way in to the table when we were in the lunch room, so he couldn't see my largely pregnant belly, and he wasn't the only kid that mistook me for another kid when I was sitting. But I'm still kind of surprised. Do I really look that young?

Maybe I'll really put it to the test by trying to sneak into a Teen Night (jr. high dance) next year. You know, after I have the baby.  If they still have those.